Here’s something you probably don’t hear often … I wish I
was more vain. I think a little more vanity could potentially save my life.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I’m vanity free, but
when it comes to the way I look that’s simply never been an issue to me. I’ve
always preferred to sculpt my mind rather than my body, which I’ll always
believe is more important. However, I can’t help but believe now that more
vanity in the way I look would’ve resulted in a much healthier me.
Ten months ago I ended up in the emergency room, which is
thankfully just a walk down the hall at my workplace as I’m a cashier at my
town’s hospital cafeteria. I began to experience shortness of breath, chest
pains and dizziness. I didn’t know what was going on because I’d never
experienced anything like this. It could’ve been a heart attack or a panic
attack for all I knew – but in the moment it sure felt like I was dying; a dire
prospect for anyone, but especially someone who’s only 26 years old.
After I got to the E.R. I’d calmed down a bit, started to
breathe easier and ultimately it was determined that my blood pressure had
gotten way too high. I was put on blood pressure medication. Over the next few
months I would also find out that I needed medication for high cholesterol and
that I had severe sleep apnea and needed a CPAP machine so I could breathe at
night.
I’ve been on both medications and the CPAP for a while now
and I guess a combination of the three has kept me out of the E.R. since, but I
honestly haven’t gotten any healthier in the almost year since. I’ve even
experienced chest pains, shortage of breath and dizziness numerous times since
that day. Hell, I’ve experienced chest pains today.
It’s not like I haven’t tried to get healthy. I have. I’ve
gone through spurts of trying to eat healthier and eat less. I’ve tried working
out regularly. Most importantly I’ve tried to cut sodas out of my life
completely. Nothing seems to stick and it ultimately doesn’t stick because I
don’t care. I don’t want to drop dead or anything – that scares me greatly, but
I just don’t have the will power or drive to change my habits. The biggest
issue I face – more so than the over-and-unhealthy eating and disinterest in
working out – is my addiction to sodas, most specifically Coca-Cola.
I believe if I could get the addiction under control it
would greatly improve my life. I had faced this addiction head-on in the past –
completely dropping sodas from my life for months at a time (earlier this year
I didn’t drink Coca-Cola for four months), but like a true addict I always let
it pull me back in.
Addiction can’t be cured, I believe, only contained and I
frankly suck at containing it. It doesn’t help that I have almost constant
access to it and for free on a daily basis sitting at my cash register at work
less than 10 feet from a soda fountain directly in front of me. Every day I
stare at that bright red Coca-Cola sign and you’d better believe it stares
right back as if taunting and tempting me to have another drink.
There’s something about the taste of Coca-Cola that I just
absolutely love – the syrupy sweetness it leaves on my lips, tongue and throat
going down and especially the way it slightly burns as you swallow it. It’s the
greatest taste I’ve ever experienced. This might sound asinine to most, but
like any addictive sensation be it alcohol, drugs or sex it pulls you back in
and absolutely does not let go. I guess it’s just way cooler to be an alcoholic
or drug or sex addict than it is to say you are an addict of Coca-Cola. It
seems like something that should be easier to quit or defend, but I doubt that’s
the case.
This is why I wish I had more vanity when it came to my
looks. I truly believe if I gave a damn about such things it would win out over
my unhealthy habits and addictions. I could be like so many others I see who
are so into their bodies and their looks that they refuse to let themselves go.
I know that many claim that they simply want to be healthy, that they want to live
longer, but I see these people. Most of them honestly aren’t doing it for those
reasons; those are just positive side effects. Most of these people are doing it
because they want to be hot. They want to be attractive. They want to live up
to the ideal body so many tell them they should have.
I don’t believe this is the healthiest belief one could have,
but ultimately it keeps them fit and not believing they are going to die of a
heart attack at age 26. I see many of these people who spend much of their day
and life trying to create and maintain the “perfect body” and to me it just
seems like a waste of time and makes them look completely self-absorbed (as
many of them are), but the truth of it is they will be healthier in the long
run. Maybe that type of vanity makes them better off.
