I'll Love Who I Want to Love (And Phil Robertson Can Suck My Duck)

Controversy erupted on Wednesday, December 18 when news of a GQ magazine interview with “Duck Dynasty” star and family patriarch Phil Robertson was revealed to include homophobic sentiments.

In the interview Robertson was quoted as saying: “It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.” He then added: “Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Robertson’s comments earned him an indefinite suspension from filming of A&E’s widely popular reality series “Duck Dynasty,” which added to the controversy with many believing that Robertson shouldn’t be punished for his beliefs or opinions.

Personally, I was incredibly offended by Robertson’s comments and views. The fact that he doesn’t believe in homosexuality is his opinion, but his obvious hatred toward homosexuals and nonsensical belief that it would lead to things like bestiality is incredibly offensive.

My outrage at Robertson’s comments has led me to make this admission … I’m in love with a duck.

Yes, you read that correctly. I fell in love with the very creature that Phil Robertson has made a life and career out of brutally murdering. Not only that, but the duck that I have chosen to love is male.  I wonder how Phil would feel about that?

My honest answer is that I truly don’t give a damn what Phil Robertson thinks about me. Love is love and whether I choose to love a woman, man or duck it’s nobody’s business but my own.

I fell for Reginald, my duckfriend, when I was over at a friend’s house back in the spring. I would like to say that it was love at first sight between me and Reggie, but the truth is he played hard to get. I had to chase him across the yard for about an hour before he finally gave into my lusts. We’ve been inseparable ever since. I quickly found out I’d never really known what love was all about until I nestled my head amongst Reggie’s feathers. Love really is all it’s quacked up to be.   

It’s incredibly disheartening to hear Robertson and others claim that homosexuality leads to things like bestiality, because I was a beastie long before I was gay. In fact, it took Reggie’s smooth feathers, webbed feet and long beak (you wouldn’t believe the things he can do with that thing) before I ever realized I might be into the opposite sex. But, when I looked at Reggie and he quacked at me I just knew there was something between us. Something that Phil Robertson would never, could never understand … that sometimes you’ve never truly loved until you’ve fu … uh, loved a duck.