Cat-Sitting Has Brought Out My Inner Scaredy Cat

As I sit here tonight writing I have a buddy by my side.  She’s a five-year old gold and white cat named Golden – I would prefer to call her Rosalita, but my girlfriend Aprille is convinced she knows her name. Aprille and I have been cat-sitting lately, although it’s really more of a trial run at owning a cat than it is cat-sitting. The owner of this cat may no longer be able to completely and adequately take care of her and as a result we wanted to familiarize ourselves with living with a cat before possibly taking in the cat.

As I sit here on my couch tonight Golden is fast asleep beside me – waking up every so often to stretch and cock her head upward toward me as if to say, “You’re still hear, buddy? Alright, I’m going back to sleep now.”

Golden is an absolutely beautiful animal and incredibly sweet. She loves being pet and after being here for over 72 hours she still has failed to be an annoyance, which I would think would be a must for a pet owned by me. She seems a little more scared by things than most cats I’ve been around previously – she doesn’t like loud noises or sudden movements and when scared she’ll run into our apartment’s guest room and sometimes remain there for hours at a time. I wonder if she might not have been abused before she was adopted by her current owner at PetsMart.

In the over 72 hours Golden has been living with me and Aprille I don’t think I’ve felt anything but endearment toward her – well, she sheds like a mother, but that’s about it. However, on Saturday evening while accompanying Aprille at PetsMart to pick up some things for the cat I became scared. Aprille bought three items – two related to Golden’s litter box and one bottle of the cheapest shampoo the store had to hopefully cut down on her shedding. The cost of these three items tallied to $20. That might not be that bad, but it frightened me. It made me think of all the responsibilities that being a cat owner might entail.

How much money would the cat most? Will she constantly leave fur everywhere around the apartment? Will she smell too badly? Will she force me to do daily chores I might not want to do? Will she get rambunctious and annoy me? Will she tear up my stuff? Will she tear up the apartment? Will she attack our pet rabbit, Harvey? All of these fears came to me and I had sort of a breakdown moment with Aprille exclaiming that under no circumstances will we be able to keep this cat.

I don’t think it was just the cat that made me briefly panic. It was a big change in life, which I can often be indecisive about. It lead to thoughts like, “if I can’t care for a cat could I ever care for a child?” I don’t know the answer and don’t want to find out the answer. It’s a step in my life I’m not nearly ready for. It’s a step in Aprille’s life I think she wishes would hurry up and arrive. Why aren’t we married? Why don’t we have kids? I don’t think I can even care for a cat. Long term commitment scares me to death. A cat might not be a kid, but it’s a long-term commitment just the same.  Also, I’ve always thought I’d like to own a cat. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into whether or not I wanted a kid. I’m probably over-thinking this, but I’m thinking it all the same.

The cat is going back home as soon as possible. I can’t do this.

Later that night I was watching a movie and the cat jumped up on the couch to cuddle with me. All of a sudden the cat was my buddy again. I wanted to keep her. Thought I could handle her and do right by her. Thought it might not be so bad. Then came time for bed and we put Golden in the office for the night. The fear of Golden tearing my stuff up became great again and I had to have all of my books and important stuff in the office put away, even though it had been out with her for two whole nights and had gone untouched. I couldn’t trust the cat. The cat has got to go.

All today I’ve gone back-and-forth in my mind. I’d love to have this cat. No, there’s no way in Hell we can keep this cat. When she’s laying beside me like right now there’s nothing I’d like more than to keep her – she could be a lot of fun, a loving friend, something to make me smile on a hard day. She hasn’t done a single thing to annoy me or irritate me, but there’s still that fear in my head that she might, that she will.

At this point I have no clue what we are going to do with Golden. She may go home soon. She may never go home again.  I may never make up my mind. Owning a pet is a big deal and I guess these are thoughts that people should have in their mind before making such a big decision. Should it scare them this much, though?

Golden is a truly lovely cat and this has almost nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. She could be a great addition to our life, but I’m just not sure if I’m ready yet.